- splitinfinities said: But do you think that we shouldn’t like those things? I mean… obviously the we shouldn’t like what’s problematic about them, but I feel like there’s precious little that doesn’t have problematic aspects.
Nope! I do NOT think we shouldn’t like problematic…
I guess I ask because I have a somewhat uneasy relationship with the latter point. I often find myself, when I don’t like a work that’s very popular, expressing a somewhat judgemental view of it when people ask me about it. This is largely defensiveness… when you get tired of people talking about how you *have* to watch this or just having nonstop conversations about it, it’s easy to get frustrated.
But then how do you reconcile this with the things that you feel judgemental of but watch anyway? Approaching a TV show critically doesn’t really make me feel better about the fact that I’m contributing to the good ratings that the network executives use to convince themselves that they’ve made the right programming choices.
When does adding to the ad revenue for a show or buying a book with problematic themes cross that line into hurting people? I can think of plenty of shows that I sincerely wish people would stop watching because I think it’s harmful for them to be on TV, but my notion of what’s “amusing enough to be worth it” is an unfair standard to hold other people to (who am I to judge their taste in entertainment?).
More directly connected to your example about point 2, I find myself wondering when and to what extent being critical of a work means that when I mention that I watch or enjoy it I need disclaimer what I say by pointing out the negatives. When does talking to your friends about something you enjoyed watching amount to supporting the things that are wrong with what you watched?
Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)
More people need to know this.This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.
Mississippi Judge Takes Baby Away From Mother, Says Lack Of English Would Cause ‘Developmental’ Problems
A federal judge has ruled that a case against two employees of Singing River Hospital and a state child welfare caseworker accused of unjustly separating a newborn baby from her mother may proceed – denying the defendants’ attempt to claim immunity for their actions
The lawsuit was filed on behalf of Baltazar Cruz and her daughter. The mother – who speaks the indigenous Mexican language Chatino, limited Spanish and virtually no English – gave birth to her daughter at Singing River Hospital in November 2008. Two days later, the child was taken from her following allegations by a hospital employee who spoke only in Spanish to the mother.
They claimed she was undocumented, traded sex for housing and concluded she intended to give her child away. While she was at the hospital, her Chatino-speaking cousin tried to tell officials that she is actually employed at a Chinese restaurant, and did not in fact “admit” to allegations that she was involved in the sex trade. But a social services representatives who did not know her language nonetheless excluded her cousin from discussions between them.
After the state health department filed a “report of suspected abuse and neglect,” officials temporarily gave Baltazar Cruz’s baby to a couple who wanted to adopt a child, but were not licensed as foster parents, according to court documents. And at a court hearing that followed, Judge Sharon Sigalas agreed with the couple’s argument that the baby would have “developmental” problems because she would not communicate with the baby in English.
Baltazar Cruz was without her daughter for almost a year, and the court nearly terminated her parental rights.
It was only after a federal investigation of the case was initiated that the judge, prosecutor, and guardian ad litem all recused themselves from the case, claiming a new conflict of interest. The judge who replaced Sigalas granted Baltazar Cruz custody.
A federal judge ruled Friday that these officials could not now claim immunity from constitutional allegations against them, concluding, “This case is riddled with contradicting stories and potential indicia of misconduct.”
by Tina Vasquez and Julio Salgado
Did Jan Brewer do the right thing for the wrong reasons? And why is it so hard to relate to social justice issues that don’t impact us directly? All this and many more questions in this week’s #LibertyForAll.
"Liberty For All" is co-published by CultureStrike.Net and Youngist.org.
These are my extremely quick “fan” made designs for the upcoming Disney movie “Moana”.
Stop. There is a reason why “fan” is in quotations.
I am not a fan. I am full of dread. Disney is about to tackle a Polynesian princess and that terrifies me.
For one, I am so angry at all of the fanmade designs I have seen. The sexy stereotyped Polynesian designs that somehow condenses hundreds of different cultures into a tube top and a a ti-leaf skirt.
Do you have any idea how offensive that is. That would be like making Mulan and saying “Hey she’s Asian, let’s throw her in a yukata”. Do you know how offensive it is that people think that Polynesian is a singular race? Hint: Massively.
I picked four cultures out of the vastness of Polynesia and each design is clearly different from the next. Each design is 100% endemic to the culture it is from, and it’s not even the tip of the iceberg.
We are not a homogenized area of the world. We have different languages, traditions, and ways of life. We are not all the same. We are not coconut bras and grass skirts. We never needed compasses. We are celestial navigators - it hasn’t died out. We journeyed across the Pacific using the stars and waves to guide us. We perfected aquaculture and sustainable living. Our heritages are rich and varied and beautiful.
We are not a tube top and a ti-leaf skirt. We are not an indistinguishable fabric swathed on brown bodies with random flowers in our hair. Stop fetishizing us! You have the internet at your discretion, and this is the best you can come up with?
Secondly, the fact that Moana will be dealing with mythology in Polynesia makes me want to crumple up and cry. It angers me to no end that people keep playing fast and loose with things they think are obsolete. Most of us still believe in our Gods (myself included). My family has a heiau, as recent as one generation ago my family has stories of conversing with Gods. Yet, people act like it’s fair game. Last I checked if anyone made retcons to the undead carpenter millions threw a shitfit, but because we are a marginalized people our beliefs are not allowed some respect?
It makes me angry and I won’t apologize for it. It makes me angry that when I call out other minorities for falsely portraying or marginalizing my culture (and the cultures of my fellow Polynesians) I get the “well I’m a minority too so I’m excused”. That is the worst offense, when people who should know better still treat you like an obsolete toy to be bandied about as characters.
We are indigenous people and we deserve respect. We deserve for people to care about our culture. For people to be afraid that the nightmare which created whitewashed Pocahontas might happen to us. If you call yourself an ally, or self-aware, I demand that you fear for us. I beg that you question what may happen in the wake of what Disney has been spewing out. Don’t be part of the base that turns Moana into nothing more than a token.
We were too young to stop Pocahontas from being made. We are not too young to afflict a change and prevent it from happening again. Signal boost my words, or write your own. Do something. Don’t let a movie go out across the world that could damage those that have already taken heavy hits. Don’t be compliant, don’t be silent. Don’t DO that I beg you. I am begging you on my knees, I grovel to you.
Don’t condense our cultures to an easy stereotype. Don’t let our stories become distorted for entertainment. Fight for good writing, fight for good designs. Fight for a movie you would be proud to watch. Give us something more than a rebellious teen who is Polynesian simply because they say she is.
Please. Please. With all my heart, a’ohe hana nui ka alu’ia. No task is too big when done together.
good to know.
African-American children with autism are being diagnosed almost two years later than children of any other ethnic group [in the United States], holding up their treatment, and in turn, their quality of life, according to research.
When white children were misdiagnosed with autism they were usually told they had ADHD, but Mandell discovered that Black autistic children were told they had things like psychoses, mental retardation or selective mutism. This, along with the fear that Black parents have of reporting their child’s behavioral issues due to the fact that their children are removed from the home as a result more often, makes it hard for Black children with autism to get the treatment that they need.
my first diagnosis was a psychotic disorder btw
This made my morning.
Psychologists have found that people’s belief in a just world helps explain how they react to innocent victims of negative life circumstances. People become cognitively frustrated when presented with stories of victims who suffer through little fault of their own. They can deal with this frustration in two ways: they can conclude that the world is an unjust place, or they can decide that the victim is somehow to blame. Most people reconcile their psychological distress by blaming the victim. Even when we know that suffering is undeserved, it is psychologically easier to blame the victim rather than give up the idea that the world is basically fair.
This is also referred to as The Just World Fallacy. If the world is “good and just,” then bad things must only happen to people who “deserved it or caused it.” Except the world is not good and just. And despite individual people choosing to be good and/or just, structures, institutions and systems remain corrupt overall. Primarily through the media is the idea that bad only happens to those who deserve suffering conveyed. Add this to the manifestations of oppression based on gender, race, class, nationality, citizenship, sexual orientation, size, etc. and things like rape culture for example, thrive. And even ideologies that appear “harmless” to some people like prosperity gospel, positivity culture, the law of attraction and American exceptionalism are based on ignoring systemic inequality and focusing on exceptional cases. They stand firm in this particular fallacy.
See, it requires quite a bit from a person to be willing to challenge the world as is. It is psychologically, emotionally and intellectually easier to victim blame. It also helps people protect their psyches from the thought that something bad could happen to them or worse, that they are the causes of those bad things happening to others.
Still…it’s unacceptable. Victim blaming = unacceptable. The right thing to do is listen and support victims/survivors of anything and the oppressed of any form of oppression and work to deconstruct the structures, institutions and systems that make it possible. On an individual level, it requires accountability.